Style Conversational Week 1196: I break for Hyphen the Terrible
The Style Invitational Empress ruminates all over this week’s new
contest and results
By Pat Myers
Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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October 6, 2016
One of our most durable excuses for a neologism contest. Hyphen the
Terrible — this year, Week 1196 — has
delivered lots of zingy additions to the lexicon in its 17 previous
iterations. It was suggested by Fred Dawson, a Loser most famous for the
contests based on his paintings, most famously the Red and White Woman
.
Over the years, the requirements for H the T have varied:
The original contest was in 1996, back when the Post printed 1.2 million
Sunday papers each week and just about every household in Washington got
one at the front door. That time (and for several later contests),
readers had to comb through that day’s paper to find two words with
hyphens. In 2002, after the Invitational went online and began to be
seen by a lot of out-of-town readers, the Czar allowed that “persons
outside The Washington Post circulation area can use Monday’s USA Today.”
But it wasn’t until 2004 that we acknowledged that this contest “didn’t
adapt well to the 21st century, because readers of the Invitational on
The Post’s Web site never see a hyphen.” So instead of looking for
hyphens, Losers could combine the first part of any word with the last
part of any other word — but both words had to be in that day’s
Invitational. That’s how it was the next year as well. (The Empress, in
her first H the T, was inaccurate in her explanation; she meant that
online, words hardly ever break at the ends of lines, as they often do
in print. But of course there are still plenty of hyphenated phrases.)
But then there must have been too much duplication, because then the
field of words opened up for a couple of years to the Style and Arts
sections (at that time, there were two separate sections). Then there
was a year when the words had to come from ads (that must have been a
bust, because the E noted a significant drop in entries, probably
because the recession had hit and we didn’t have many ads either). In
2009 we dropped the insistence on a single day’s paper so that people
could easily play on any given day in the 10-day entry period. In 2012
the Empress restricted the pool again, but allowed words from The Style
Conversational as well as the Invitational, in a brazen ploy to get a
few people to look at the thing. Finally, for Week 1078 in 2014, I went
back to requiring actual hyphenated words or phrases — which is what
we’re doing today as well. This time, though, your choices are:
1. The print Washington Post.from now to Oct. 17.
2. Any other print paper from the same dates.
3. Anything on washingtonpost.com that’s dated between now and Oct. 17.
So not just any old websites.
There’s an advantage in using the print paper because most articles have
word breaks at the ends of lines, so you’ll get some extra hyphens to
work with within a given article. But even online, you’ll find plenty of
hyphenated modifying phrases, compound words, etc. Just search on a
hyphen and you’ll be surprised how many pop up on a single Web page.
Remember to include the two words you’re combining. I see that for
theWeek 1078 results last time in the results,
I showed the original words for the winners and runners-up, then dropped
them from the long list of honorable mentions. Including the words might
make a joke funnier if the definition related in some way to the
original. Even better is when it’s clear without explanation where at
least one of the halves of the neologism must have come from.
For inspiration for Week 1196, here are some winners and runners-up of
the previous Hyphen the Terrible contests (aka Join Now).
*Mer-derloin,* n. Chipped beef on toast. (Joseph Romm, runner-up in the
first Hyphen the Terrible contest, 1996)
*Popu-mouth,* n. The act of punching a New Yorker in the face. (David
Genser, runner-up, Week 206, 1997)
*Sex-nipulativeness,* n., the ability of women to control men simply by
not wearing bras. (Robin D. Grove, winner of Week 244, 1997)/[Hmmm! Yes,
that contest was judged by a man. And yes, the entrant was also a man.
People ask how the judging has changed since I took over at the end of
2003; not that much, in general, but I wouldn’t have gone with this one.]/
*Whenev-ship *- n., the extremely casual bond between twenty-somethings.
(Ann Zeleny, runner-up, Week 291, 1998)
*Uni-moron, *n. Instead of bombs,this terrorist mails flaming bags of
poo. (Chuck Smith, winner of Week 318, 1999)
*Diplo-ney:* Insincere exchanges of friendship between foreign
officials. (Fred Dawson, runner-up, Week 368, 2000)
*Mo- ronto: *1. The Lone Ranger’s mentally challenged companion; 2. Home
of Prime Minister Crétin. (Chris Doyle, winner, Week 425, 2001)
*Knife-throw-fixed:* How circus animals get neutered. (Steve Fahey,
runner-up, Week 465, 2002)
*Short-zenegger:* A man of small stature who compensates through
weightlifting. (Brendan Beary, runner-up, Week 521, 2003)
*Fester-day:* The day after the day that you were too busy to take a
shower. (Jeff Brechlin, winner, Week 589, 2004)
*Oui-ny:* Un nerde. (Chris Doyle, runner-up, Week 630, 2005)
*Prob-solutely:* A definite maybe. (Kyle Hendrickson, runner-up, Week
671, 2006)
*Mon-ovation:* The sound of one hand clapping especially
enthusiastically. (Dennis Lindsay, winner, Week 711, 2007)
*Exclu-less:* Oblivious to how much the people in coach hate you and
your roomy leather seat and your pretty little cookies on the pretty
little tray instead of the three pretzel sticks. (Beth Morgan, winner,
Week 775, 2008; that year we restricted the available text to ads,
something that resulted in way fewer entries)
*Up-Jones: *Outdo the neighbors. (Sylvia Betts, winner, Week 834, 2009)
*Ignorial: *A monument that nobody visits. (Robert Schechter, winner,
Week 946, 2012) [I’m back to including the hyphen in the results; make
sure you do, too. After all, it’s the essence of the contest.]
*Beau-pol:* A charming, intelligent and thoughtful politician who, after
leaks of toxic material about his life, turns out to be a disaster.
(Mike Gips, winner, Week 1072, 2014)
*THE INKQUISITION*: THE ASK BACKWARDS RESULTS FROM WEEK 1192*
/(*Revised title from Week 848, I think from Tom Witte; I usually use
non-inking entries here, but you might as well save them for next time)/
The Ask Backwards contest always works, even when we feed you bad
“answers” to ask about, because we always feed you more of them than we
have room for. So this time, “The Punisher” (inspired by the nickname of
the Filipino crazy-man killing-machine nascent dictator) and Stinky
Boots on the Ground, a play on the musical “Kinky Boots,” then
unfortunately piled onto, brought a few game efforts, but didn’t make
the final cut of a still-whopping 42 entries that got ink, both in print
and online, for more than 30 Losers. (I’d better check my magnet supply
. . .)
It’s the ninth win for Hall of Famer Jeff Contompasis, who bumps up his
ink total to 528 with his Inkin’ Memorial win and honorable mention this
week. Jeff also gets the Good Scout award: His first submission for the
week included a number of entries that he’d meant to trim to stay to the
25-entry limit. He let me know immediately and sent a new set of 25; it
turns out that one of this week’s HMs would have gotten Jeff ink as well.
Jeff’s winning entry, about waist-slimming compression wrap being a
lousy Mother’s Day gift, edged out a very similar entry by Pam Sweeney;
I hope Pam is mollified by her /four /ink blots this week for other
entries.
The rest of the Losers’ Circle is populated by Usual Suspects Nowlin,
Sharp and Doyle; Beverley Sharp fit hers in around a cruise in
celebration of her 50th wedding anniversary with Dick Amberg, a guy so
great that at the Flushies, the annual Losers’ award banquet, he wore a
nickname with the Loserly moniker of Dick Sharp.
*NEXT LOSER BRUNCH: OCT. 16 IN COLUMBIA*
I’m planning to head north to between D.C. and Baltimore for the next
Loser brunch, Sunday, Oct. 16, at noon at Victoria Gastro Pub in
Columbia, Md., which is a few minutes off I-95. I’m not much of a beer
drinker, but I still found plenty to enjoy from the brunch menu at our
last gathering there. People who live north of the Beltway — including
our Baltimore and even Pennsylvania-based Losers, how about it? RSVP at
the Losers’ website, NRARS.org (click on Our Social Engorgements or just
click here ). (If anyone is
coming from the Southern Maryland or Alexandria area, is there a chance
I can hitch a ride? )
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Meanwhile, to our Losers in the path of Matthew: Stay safe and dry, and
may your Internet service hold out.